1776: A Collection of Randomness
by MCR Lurver
Summary: A random list is made of all the members of congress. They then proceed to bicker and fight among themselves as to what is true and what is false. A random collection of junk that goes through my mind when watchng the movie.


-Most Obnoxious and Disliked:Mr. John Adams

-Sexiest Forearms:Mr. Roger Sherman

-Prettiest Hair:Mr. John Dickinson

-Prettiest Voice:Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Most Pessimistic:General George Washington

-Most Outrageously Fake Accent:Colonel Thomas McKean

-Most Macaroni:Mr. Edward Rutledge (Not Richard)

-Most Easily Distracted:Mr. Richard H. Lee

-Hottest:Mr. John Dickinson

-Ugliest Hair:Dr. Josiah Bartlett

-Best Manwhore:Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Looks Most Like A Rabbit:Dr. Lyman Hall

-Funniest:Dr. Benjamin Franklin

-Most "Subtle":Dr. Thomas Jefferson

-Most Kick-Ass Accent: Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Fattest:Mr. John Hancock

-Abstains the Most from Voting:Mr. Lewis Morris

-Best Alcoholic:Mr. Steven Hopkins

-Prettiest Handwriting:Mr. Roger Sherman

-Wears the Most White (My Eyes!):Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Prettiest Jacket: Mr. John Dickinson

-Most Piercing Voice:Mr. John Adams

-Prettiest Shirt / Vest:Mr. Roger Sherman

-Tightest Pants:Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Best at Desk Dancing:Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Most Charismatic:Mr. John Dickinson / Mr. Edward Rutledge

-Most Discouraging Appearance: Dispatch Guy

-Funniest Eyebrows:Mr. Charles Thompson

-Best Dispatch Reader: Mr. Charles Thompson

-Biggest Fighters:Mr. John Adams / Mr. John Dickinson

-Best Custodian:Mr. Andrew McNair

The room was silent. Then it burst into sound with everyone trying to yell over the rest. "Mr. Rutledge," Hancock sighed. "I saw you jump up and scream first."

"I AM NOT MACORONI!" Rutledge shouted.

"Yes, you are," Adams piped up.

"No," Rutledge growled. "And what's with the desk dancing, Mr. President? I only did that once. I am not a manwhore."

"Come on, Neddy," Dickinson said. "It said that you have the most kick-ass accent, and you are confident wearing tight pants. And you're the only person I know who can pull off all that white and still look good. But you don't have the prettiest voice; I do."

"That's not fair!" Rutledge said. "You don't have the prettiest voice! Mine is so way better! You sound like a girl when you sing!"

"I can sing better than you!" Dickinson said, glaring at Rutledge.

"Nuh-uh," Jefferson interjected. "My wife can sing better than all of you combined."

This broke the three of them into one of the loudest shouting matches that congress had ever seen.

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen, please!" Hancock shouted. "I don't know where the hell this list came from, or who the hell wrote it, but it is kind of right." Everyone blinked at him. "The chair rules that no changes will be made to the list concerning Mr. Rutledge."

Rutledge glared at Hancock, and threw himself down into a chair, face turning red.

"Mr. President," Adams said, jumping up. "I would like to make a complaint about on thing that I am listed under."

"What is it, Mr. Adams?" Hancock sighed.

"I am not obnoxious and disliked."

"YES YOU ARE!" the whole congress shouted together.

"John, you said so yourself when we were dancing on the stairs," Franklin said. This was followed by an awkward silence. "You said it three times to be exact."

"Fine. I withdraw," Adams said, waving his hands around. "I am fine that I have the most piercing voice, but the fighting?"

"Mr. Adams, you attacked Mr. Dickinson with your stick!" Hancock shouted. "You fight with anything that has a mouth and can talk back!"

"I was provoked!" Adams said.

"The chair rules that no changes will be made concerning Mr. Adams, either," Hancock said. "What is it, Mr. Hopkins?" He turned to his right to see Hopkins waving his arms around, and jumping out of his seat. "I assume that you have a complaint about being called an alcoholic?"

"Nah," Hopkins said. "I'm just trying to get a rum!"

"Oh… My… God…" Hancock said, covering his face in his hands. "McNair, get him his damn rum."

"Mr. President," Lee piped up. "I don't think that Mr. Sherman has the sexiest forearms! I think mine are better!"

"Richard, you've never taken your jacket off the whole time we've been here," Adams sighed. "How would we know what your forearms look like? Anyway, I don't know how Roger does it, but those are some damn nice arms."

"Yay!" Sherman said. "And that list if right; you people can at least read my handwriting. And I am so much more fashionable than the rest of you."

"What about me?" Jefferson asked. "I at least dress so that my clothes compliment my hair color."

"Tom, Tom," Adams said. "You wore an orange vest with a periwinkle coat. That is not a good fashion decision."

"I wouldn't be talking. You wear purple."

"So? Do you have a problem with that?" Adams said, jumping up from his chair.

"Stop it!" bellowed Hancock. "Why in God's name do I put up with you people?"

There was silence. "Uh…"

"Shut up!" Hancock snapped. "Don't answer that. The chair rules that Mr. Sherman has the sexiest forearms, and prettiest handwriting and clothes."

"But I'm not easily distracted!" Lee said. "Oh, look! A butterfly!"

"Do I even need to say anything?" Hancock asked. Everyone chuckled. "Does anyone have any objections on the fact that Dr. Franklin is the funniest?" There was silence. "Halleluiah!"

"Mr. President," Dr. Hall said, standing up. "I would like to make a complaint. I do not believe that I look like rabbit."

"Yes, you do, Lyman," Adams said. "Now sit down and be quiet, rabbit-face."

"Mr. President?" Dr. Hall said. "Did you hear that?"

"The chair rules that Dr. Hall looks like a rabbit."

Dr. Hall threw his hands up. "I cannot believe you people! I should have stayed in Georgia!"

"The chair also rules," Hancock said, glancing down the list, "that George Washington is the most pessimistic. Is that agreed?" There was a murmur throughout the room.

"M_rrr_. P_rr_esidnet, I do not believe that I have an out_rrrr_agous accent!" McKean said.

A great shout of protest rang up through the room. "Thomas, don't even bother arguing about that. Your complaint is overruled." Hancock glanced down the list. "The chair also rules that Mr. Morris abstains the most from voting, that Dr. Bartlett has the ugliest hair, and that Mr. Jefferson is the most '_subtle_'."

Jefferson and Morris just looked bored, while Dr. Bartlett immediately started fiddling with his hair. "No changes will be made concerning that guy who brings the dispatches, Mr. Thompson, or Mr. McNair, seeing as they are not members of congress. Uh, Mr. Dickinson? Do you wish to make any complaints about what you are listed under here?"

"Absolutely not," Dickinson said. "I am perfectly fine having the prettiest hair and jacket, and the fact that the list called me charismatic and 'hot'."

"Right," Hancock said, giving the list one last look over. "However, I do not believe that I am the fattest. Mr. Chase is far larger than I am."

Everyone turned to look at Chase. He looked up, food hanging out of his mouth. "What?"

"Mr. President, that's not fair!" Adams said, jumping up and hurrying over to Hancock's desk. "All of the nasty things that the list pointed out about us were not changed; but you would not hesitate to erase anything negative about yourself? Gentlemen of the congress, are we going to stand for this?"

A great shout of "No!" rang out through the room. Oh, did I say before that congress had seen one if its loudest shouting matches today? Scratch that. _This _was the loudest shouting match that congress and the continent of North America had ever seen.

And so this fanfic ends with Adams grabbing Hancock's flyswatter, and bashing him over the head with it several times before the poor fellow went unconscious. Sherman and Lee then tied him up using rope that just _happened _to be near Hancock's desk, while still arguing over who had sexier forearms. The congress then lifted Hancock up, and formed an angry swarming mass that went outside to the street, cursing Hancock and his flyswatter. They then proceeded to throw him into the nearest harbor, and left him for dead. Andrew McNair was elected new president of congress.

**Most of the items on the list were taken from "1776—A Silent Film", by "pinkwhig". If you haven't seen it, go watch it.**


End file.
